By Brenda Della Casa
One of the best parts of life is walking through it with a great friend. There’s something almost magical about spending a day experiencing belly laughs with someone who ‘gets’ and accepts you, fatal flaws and all.
But what happens when a friendship starts to feel forced or imbalanced? Or worse—when it becomes a source of stress, anxiety, and toxicity? You know the feeling: that uncomfortable pit in your stomach when their name flashes on your phone, and you find yourself dreading the reply.
Despite the social pressure to respond to every text or keep every friend in our circle, the truth is that not every relationship is meant to last forever. It’s natural to outgrow friendships as our values, expectations, and lives evolve. But let’s face it—knowing when to walk away from a friendship can feel complicated. Guilt often holds us back, and we wonder, “Am I overreacting?” or “What if they think I’m being mean?”
Jennine Estes, MFT, a relationship therapist, explains that much of this hesitation comes from our discomfort with setting boundaries. “People often fear being seen as unkind or overly sensitive, especially when dealing with someone who’s ‘nice,’ but not necessarily a good match,” says Estes. “On the flip side, manipulative friends can ‘love bomb’ you to make you second-guess your instincts. But a healthy person will respect your decision if you choose to pull back.”
No one can dictate who should stay in your life, but we’ve rounded up 19 signs it might be time to cut ties and make space for healthier, more fulfilling connections.
You can’t trust them. Look, we all have our moments—blaming the train for being late (when you really just hit snooze one too many times) or blaming that Zoom fail when your Wi-Fi’s been fine. But there’s a big difference between downplaying a little mishap and straight-up fabricating stories about yourself—or worse, dragging someone else into your drama. Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy friendship. It’s built on vulnerability, honesty, and knowing that the other person has your back. If you can’t rely on someone to follow through on their word, what’s the point of keeping them around?
They make you feel bad about yourself. Whether it’s the friend who throws backhanded compliments like confetti, the one who only calls when no one “cooler” is available, or that passive-aggressive relative who loves to rehash your mistakes like it’s their personal hobby, being around people who devalue you doesn’t just feel bad—it’s actually bad for your health. A 2016 study from the University of Michigan found that stressful and negative relationships can directly impact your heart. British research supports this, noting a 34% increase in heart problems tied to toxic personal relationships. Translation: If someone’s constantly bringing you down and sending your stress levels skyrocketing, it’s time to show them the exit.
Your heart (and peace of mind) will thank you!
They don’t acknowledge invitations, cancel at the last minute or worse, just don’t show up. When someone asks you to join them in celebrating a milestone or offers to host you at a special event, they are telling you that you matter to them. The least someone can do is give them the respect to graciously acknowledge their kind gesture and give them a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in a reasonable amount of time (and certainly by the RSVP date). Opting for silence as a way of declining is both cowardly and childish and those last-minute cancellations and lame excuses? Inexcusably rude. Give a big thumbs-down to that energy — and their spot to someone else who will appreciate the opportunity to celebrate with you.
They’re social climbers. Ah, the social climbers – those experts in love bombing and using people for their own agenda. It’s almost embarrassing witnessing them in action. The over-the-top affection followed by a sudden shift to disinterest — until they need something, natch —can be downright exhausting for the rest of us trying to navigate genuine connections. Watching them upload photos with your “more connected” friends is like having a backstage pass to their theatrical performance, and trust me, the drama isn’t worth the front-row seat.
That friend you’ve outgrown. While we champion lifelong friendships, there’s wisdom in Helen Gurley Brown’s analogy of clinging to old friends akin to hoarding outdated clothes.A friendship doesn’t need a lifetime guarantee to have been meaningful. If you’re no longer vibing or it feels forced, you’re not doing anyone any favors by keeping up the charade. Chances are, both of you feel the weird energy (because let’s be real, energy doesn’t lie). It might feel harsh to admit it, but being upfront about outgrowing the friendship is like offering clarity in a breakup—it’s tough at first, but ultimately, it’s the right thing to do for both of you.
The people in your past who hate on you for bettering yourself. Muhammad Ali was onto something when he said, ‘The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.’ The whole point of life is to experience it, to grow, learn, develop and evolve. While some people may challenge your desire to level up, you don’t need to apologize for it or explain your reasoning for wanting to become a better version of yourself, and frankly, asking you to is weird.
The ex you stay in contact with who is no good for you. We are not saying that exes can’t be friends, but there’s a big difference between maintaining a real friendship and staying connected to someone who brought toxicity and drama into your life. If you find yourself responding to messages or maintaining a social media connection out of a sense of obligation to be the ‘good person’ or with the hope that they’ll miraculously become a better one, it’s time to hit that unfollow button online—and in real life too.
The ‘friend’ who is just f%cking hard work. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones who never give you the benefit of the doubt, demand your undivided attention at all times, compete with your other relationships, and/or turn everything into a drama. Life is complex and friendships should serve as a haven. If you’re stressing out every time you get a text or are scared to share some good news, it may be time to reassess how ‘friendly’ the relationship actually is.
It’s all about them. Genuine connections thrive on reciprocity where both parties have space to share and listen. If every conversation turns into a stream of self-centered updates, it might be time to unsubscribe.
Anyone who abuses you in any way. This is non-negotiable under all circumstances, and no, they will not change.
The in-law who never quite welcomes you into the family. While it would be nice to be embraced as a fully integrated family member from the start, the reality is that bonds of any kind take time and some may never form at all. The key to success in this situation is to be respectful and kind, but to steer clear from personalising their disengagement or launching a campaign for their validation as both of these reactions will only throw you further on your back foot. Finally,remember that being related to someone—whether by marriage, blood, or any other means—doesn’t automatically make you family. It’s the love you share that truly defines your familial connection
Toxic family members. Saying it loud for the people in the back: Just because you share someone’s DNA doesn’t mean you need to spend your life at their mercy. You are here on this earth to have a life experience that belongs to you and there’s no real honour in wasting your precious moments allowing yourself to be disrespected out of some misguided sense of obligation.
People who lack empathy. When you can’t find basic compassion in a relationship, it makes life hard. Too hard.
‘Bird in hand’ relationships. Staying in relationships with people because you don’t want to be alone isn’t fair to anyone and it denies both parties the opportunity to find someone they can be truly happy with. Instead of selling yourself short, make the tough decision to let go of ‘convenience’ in order to create room for a genuine connection.
The mate who makes you do all of the work. Whether it’s their life circumstances or their feelings about you, if you are initiating contact more than 60% of the time, they are simply not as invested in your relationship as you are.
People who are rude (to you or waiters). Grown-ups worth knowing are those who can use their words in a way that gets their point across without coming across like a bully.
Those dating app pen pals you never meet up with. We hate to break the news to you but MikeLDN44 is probably married.
The person you just don’t click with. You’re both great, but not so great together. Some people don’t vibe and that’s OK>
Anyone you just don’t want in your life. Period